For the first 3 qualities of a Great Therapist, see previous post. (Part 1)  4. Wisdom  My definition of Wisdom is the ability to know what to say and do and what not to in each moment. If that's hard, I agree. It's built on three things: #1. experience.  The more...

50  Sure, a great therapist needs "skill." But skill at doing what? Not so clear, right? How do you measure the skill needed to save a marriage? - It's a tall order!  So without further ado, let me share my take on what makes a great therapist. 1. Being Non-judgmental...

 Think of all the bosses you've had.  What made a good one good?  Did they humiliate those under them?  Were they hard drivers?  Did they ignore good ideas?  How did they handle bad ideas?  Well you are the leader of your internal system of parts. You know those...

 Imagine a real conversation - Each person actually listens to the other person's point. No one gets defensive even when told they did something that hurt their partner. Something gets accomplished - a plan gets formed or each person gains a new awareness of how the...

 One woman memorably said - as I reassured her that my program could bring out in her husband the kind, sensitive, and empathetic man he really was underneath all the hostility and abuse he'd shown for 20 years - "I don't care if he turns into Mother Theresa. I don't...

 This was one of the most thoughtful people I've known. I mean, here I was, the therapist, and whenever she sent me an email, Mary would ask how I was doing. Talk about the opposite of narcissistic. She always wanted the best for everyone.  Mary was the type of person...

 Once maybe 20 years ago, a scared woman came to me wondering how to handle her husband Sammy whom she called "evil." Well, that's pretty harsh. It turned out he was a member of the mafia.  Who knows if he had something to do with any bodies at the bottom of the...

. . . How Do We Do That?    If this group is anything, it is non-blaming. I hate pointing fingers.  When we do, then we sound like little kids in the schoolyard, "nah nah na-nah nah." That's not a fun life, feeling like the bad one all the time.  So along came...

 You know that feeling: You try really, I mean you try really hard to be aware, sensitive, kind, thoughtful, hold your tongue - - and by golly, somehow or other you screwed up again.  Will there never be an end to it? I mean, no one is perfect; how can I get past...

 Let's start with some definitions: Compassion, empathy, and sympathy.  Empathy  Maybe you've heard the word "empath." An empath is someone who cries with you because they literally feel your pain. Sometimes this is a very good thing. At a funeral, for example, the...