What GETTING THE MARRIAGE YOU WANT Stands For
Well you may as well know: I’m old fashioned. I believe in marriage. That does NOT mean I believe in suffering! Obviously, I wouldn’t EVER tell a couple, “Just get used to it” or “You’re supposed to suffer in this world.”
I believe that if God gave some people cancer or freak accidents or whatever, that’s enough. There is no reason under the sun why we should choose to add MORE suffering to our lives.
That means that while I definitely believe in marriage I ALSO believe that when it’s necessary to roll up your sleeves and do some work, you do it! Today, for example, a guy admitted that he gets triggered and defensive when someone points out things he could work on and he thinks he’s just fine in those areas. That’s his weak point. Good for him for recognizing it!
So I went ahead and gave him three things to do to be able to overcome this. And knowing him, he will work his pants off to do them even when he thinks they’re dumb ideas. He figures I know something that he doesn’t! Which is true!
So that’s my point: I believe in marriage; I believe sometimes you have to be willing to do some work to make changes in order to be happy; and I also believe that we are NOT meant to suffer in this world, or at least to have self-imposed suffering.
Working with me also means that you will always feel respected and not judged. This guy I was mentioning thought I was judging him, so we talked about it. My suggesting something helpful was his trigger and he came to recognize it.
As you and I talk – and you read these posts or listen to my Lives – you will see that I don’t care for diagnosing people. I think it’s rude and disrespectful. But I believe in looking for people’s strengths and building on that instead.
BTW I should explain why I think diagnosing is rude and disrespectful. “Mental” diagnosis is shaped by the egos of the medical establishment to play doctor when, in fact, ten professionals could easily disagree on a diagnosis. It is not like breaking your arm or having anemia. Psychologists – no offense to this profession; I’m sure they do lots of good – who jumped on the diagnosis bandwagon did so because they wanted the status that psychiatrists, as medical doctors, get.
(For more on this, see more on my blog. It goes back years and years on this topic. For example, https://drdeb.com/…/how-diagnostic-statistical-manual-dsm-…/)
If you need personalized help, I’m here for you. I still practice therapy but I am not taking on new clients. I’m devoting 98% of my time to my Marriage You Want program. It embodies all the things I’ve been discussing here and more.
If that intrigues you, book a free call with me at https://drdeb.com/book