Hey, I’ll Bet You Love Being Examined Under A Microscope
I once was interning to acquire the number of hours necessary for my license. I met with a particular family. They were really lovely people. Okay, they would fight. Okay, they didn’t seem to know how to get out of the spiral they were in. I get that. Not everyone knows these things. I don’t know how to sing on key; so what? Like I said, not everyone is great at everything. But they were a lovely family.
So I went to the head person at the agency and said, “Listen, I’m having trouble finding a diagnosis for these people” – Remember, amongst most therapists and all agencies, you must have a diagnosis – and here is what she replied: “If they’re here, they have a diagnosis.”
English translation: They have something wrong with them. Not “they are missing a skill,” no, heaven forbid. But there is something wrong *with* the people. To be honest, I left that agency shortly after that, searching elsewhere for my hours. I couldn’t stand that mentality.
Why not believe in people? Why not believe that they are capable of learning and growing? Why not believe that they can learn and grow quickly no matter their age and how many years they’ve done it wrong and thought it wrong?
See, that is where therapy stops and I begin.
Let me ask you this: Did you go to therapy? Was it a good experience? And one more question: Do you think they thought there was something ‘wrong” with you after all? How did you enjoy that?
I do not think there is something wrong with you.
On the contrary, I think there’s something heroic about people who go through a horrible childhood and manage to have a family and raise children – and then know that there’s something in that family that needs improvement so you’re reading this. That’s heroic. That’s beautiful.
I give you full credit for caring.
Of course, the next step is to do something about it! That’s where I come in. If you prefer to be treated by your therapist/mentor with respect, like you have something to offer and all you need is the correct tools to do it right, that’s great! But if you’re sure you’re going to get a label slapped on one of you and not even get the tools after that, then talk to me. I’m all ears. And I have the tools.