WE TRIED COUNSELING. IT DIDN’T WORK. NOTHING WORKS.
There’s that feeling that life passes you by, right? That feeling that things are good for everyone else, but not me. Listen, we are all prey to that down feeling sometimes. It’s normal.
As long as you don’t stay there.
If you didn’t see my Masterclass (https://drdeb.com/myw-masterclass) or you did but need a little more on this topic, I’m going to say something very negative about my own profession. And I hate doing that. I absolutely hate being negative because I believe in people – even therapists.
But there are lots of problems with the therapy professions so I need to be up front with you. In fact, maybe I wouldn’t even be posting this if it weren’t for the fact that no less than three people in the last couple weeks that I talked to told me terrible experiences with therapy.
Like –
“We would fight so much during therapy that when we walked out, we felt worse than when we came in.”
“They told me my husband was a Narcissist and I should divorce him. That was after ONE session.”
“They said there was no reason to love my husband and he would never change.”
“They said I needed medication.”
And more. It’s disgusting. People who don’t know what they’re doing should not be doing it! Imagine a person coming to put out a fire and walks in with a glass of water! And not being a professional firefighter.
There are reasons these horrible things happened and I’d like to share a little bit with you:
1. Most therapists are Social Workers, Mental Health Counselors, or Psychologists. They are NOT Marriage & Family therapists. Only MFTs know how to deal with fights and hostility in the room.
For example, I would not let that happen. I would tell people that they need to work on THEMSELVES and learn how to talk civilly before even trying to have a session together. So I would see those belligerent people alone.
2. Narcissist, shmarcissist. Who cares what label you put on a person? I’m a bit short. So what? I used to have brown hair. Maybe I will again. Who cares? The word Narcissist or any other label is merely a DESCRIPTION of behavior. We could say obnoxious or selfish if we want as well.
The real question, Mr. social worker, is, Do you have the tools to help this person learn better?
Or are you simply using a label to make an excuse for why you can’t help him? Well, sorry Charlie, the responsibility for healing and helping is on you.
3. It may be true that people will never change. That’s because they DECIDED they do not want to change or to take an honest look at themselves. That’s their choice. But if they’re going to a therapist then that means they must, at some level, want to change.
(Unless of course they are just there to point fingers.)
So that is the one case I would agree with what that therapist said.
4. If I have a headache, I might take a Tylenol. But I don’t “need” it. The jury is out – and there is a ton of material on this on my website – on medication. Sometimes it’s useful and sometimes it makes things worse for many reasons. Whether the diagnosis is BiPolar, Depressed, Borderline or any of these other labels, medication may help. Or not. But NO ONE “needs” it.
The bottom line is that therapy is a vastly different approach than mine, even though I am a therapist. Partly that is because I am an MFT and partly that is because of my personality and how I think.
But never, never say that because therapy was a bomb that nothing will work. Farthest thing from the truth.
Tomorrow, I’m going to continue this topic on my Live, so you’ll get more on why the premise is wrong. No, if counseling does not work, I suggest you talk to DrDeb! https://drdeb.com/book