When people are miserable and they want out of the marriage, I do get their feelings. Right now they are sick and tired of something that you’re doing or have done. Maybe they’re sick of the same annoying irritating tone of voice that you give every time you bring up something that’s important to them.
I get that.
Maybe they’re sick of the cold, alone days. The feeling of being left high and dry for long hours without a call. Or the finding of things — horrible THINGS! — in your pockets.
I also get that.
They’re sick of feeling used when you’re done with sex. Or feeling used because sex was asked of them.
I certainly get that.
These are really yucky things and wanting to be done with them is a good decision. I fully support it.
But they never thought that there was ANOTHER WAY to reach their goals.
Let’s take an imaginary trip. What if you had the secret formula for change? Like for example, instead of the grating-on-your-nerves answers that you have come to give, those just didn’t happen? What if, in there place was a person of character who listened, understood, empathized?
What if you gave calls and warm tones when your partner felt alone? What if they could trust you again? What if sex became a joy because you cared about your spouse more than about yourself – emotionally, spiritually, and physically?
See, I do NOT think people who make mistakes – even terrible mistakes of nasty words or coldness or infidelity – are bad people. Just mistaken. They’re miserable and looking for something and don’t know what it is, so they act out.
If that’s you, I’ve got news for you.
It really IS possible to learn to be different. To be caring, concerned, connected. To get your head out of victim mode and into solution mode. To actually be a listener. To put your partner first.
Oddly enough, it has to begin with loving yourself.
Because to truly make another person feel loved, you have to truly love yourself. After all, how can they love you if you don’t love you? But it is not only possible to do, it’s necessary. What’s going to happen if you don’t take this step? Things are already falling apart. Do you need to wait til they come crashing down?
Listen, making the necessary changes is eminently do-able. It just takes grit and determination like when your parents took the training wheels off your bike and you made it your business to stay on the bike and not fall. And when you fell, you tried it again.
Okay, she/he left or said they will. But you can change the game plan. Yes, it is possible. Not easy, but possible. Are you willing to do what it takes to learn? Can I guarantee that this will bring them back? No! But I can guarantee that you will become the best self you can be, which means a whole lot happier with who you are regardless of what your partner decided. AND dramatically increase the probability that they WILL come back.
Let me show you how. Book a call with me. https://drdeb.com/book