It is a 13-week intensive hybrid of group and personal coaching and 1:1 therapy combined with a skills-training component that is central to your creating the marriage you want. Here is what you’ll walk out with:
*Taming Your Triggers: You will know yourself thoroughly, your wants, your needs, your feelings, and triggers.
You will then tame them using Mindfulness and Richard Schwartz’s Internal Family Systems.
* Self-Valuing: Through the evidence-based Affirmation program that I created and the Self Leadership of IFS, you will know and love your innate goodness and respect-worthiness.
* Compassionate Honesty: With self-love and self-compassion comes the ability to speak your Truth, but in a compassionate way that brings the two of your closer and the marriage deeper.
HERE’S WHY THIS WORKS
- Breaking the process up into small components leads to mastery quickly.
This way, people do not feel the need to waste time arguing, blaming, and feeling lost and hopeless. They can see the light at the end of the tunnel: They can tell they are learning and acquiring new ways to relate to both themselves and each other, the past as well as the future.
This retains optimism and a high level of energy to do the necessary work.
- By covering every single – vital – behavior and attitude necessary, nothing that could be left out is.
Just learning how to keep a positive mindset in the face of stress, for example, can be a tremendous source of pride for someone who used to be negative.
And if it helps that person feel good about themselves, think how significant that one change could be in the eyes of the other person in the relationship. And that is only one of the tools.
- The learning format, when owned for life, means a couple can keep reviewing the skills so as not to backslide.
- And the best part is that by having your therapist/coach overseeing everything, you have total accountability – in both directions…Meaning that’s what’s going to enable you to focus exactly on the skills you need and not waste too much time on the ones you don’t need.
All this without the long, drawn-out battles so common in the therapy room. Actually, no short battles, either.
When your therapist is a coach, she is in charge – so you better do your homework. At last! People will actually learn something. They will have the tools to make the changes they need to make.
I won’t even accept you into my program if you won’t commit to doing all the work. It’s roll-up-your-sleeves time. See, that’s how I stack the deck in my favor; everyone’s a winner.
Do you see how powerful that is?
It’s not at all so hard to turn bad marriages around. It’s not at all so hard to train excellent basketball players or violinists. You just need to learn how. And practice. Okay, so it takes work. Is that so bad? The point is, it’s do-able.
- There’s one more piece: Healing. There are two sources of healing: one, you do for yourself, and the other is when the person who hurt you makes you whole, emotionally. I have both of those in my program, too. How does he or she do that?
The most fundamental element in a marriage is being understood. When the person who hurt you understands the depth of your pain and exactly what it is that he or she did that caused it without a shred of defensiveness, then you feel understood. Validated. That is one of the big, important results of going through this program.
- Here’s the thing, though: no one else is teaching this. Don’t get me wrong. There are courses out there created by brilliant researchers. Some focus on behavior change and some focus on emotions.
Some are based on the latest research in neuropsychology so that we can take control of what we thought were automatic responses (like the flare-up of a temper or the sudden flash of anxiety).
Some focus on intimacy which is clearly super-important.
But oddly enough, no one else combines all of the above.
In fact, on a personal note, I recall in grad school that it was looked down on if any therapist said they were “eclectic” (meaning they did a little of this and a little of that). We were supposed to uphold one and only one theory and approach. Well, the Love Yourself program is a departure from that.
But you lose all those benefits when you don’t do anything.
Leaving pain in your marriage – and living that way – is awful. It’s no way to live. Each of us has a potential to live a fulfilled, happy life, not one of misery – or numbness because you no longer feel anything.
I’d love to talk you – at no charge – about how you can use these ideas to get the exact marriage you want in a short time frame. https://drdeb.com/book. I would so enjoy meeting with both of you! So go to that link and schedule a time to talk
(Please note that after you schedule the appointment, you’ll be taken to a short application form to fill out. That will save us about 20 min out of the call; that’s why I need it done!)