There’s lots of reasons why a couple could be unhappy. Do you notice that the same stuff repeats itself over and over? There’s a reason for that. It’s not because people are “insane” – meaning they keep doing the same thing expecting a different result. Not at all. It’s extremely human.
It simply means they’re FRUSTRATED.
They keep trying to get through to someone and nothing happens. They get more and more and MORE frustrated. Being frustrated doesn’t help but they can’t help it. They’re simply trying so very hard – the only way they know – to get heard. To get understood.
As people will say: They feel so alone. They feel more alone with someone who doesn’t get it than if they were alone. That’s why they desperately want to be understood, in particular by the one person in the universe that ought to understand.
And here’s the wild part of all this: It becomes such a habit to try so hard to get through that they no longer see the whole thing as a pattern, a vicious cycle that endlessly goes round and round. In fact, in their frustration, people often don’t even know what they were mad at in the first place. They lose touch with the point they were trying to make.
And very frankly, those are the lucky ones.
Because the unlucky ones are the people who gave up trying. Their pattern is to retreat, not fight. To run away – to drink? to give into addictions? to have non-marital sex? Whatever. To run away because they gave up.
The ones that keep fighting to get through are at least there. They’re talking. Okay, they’re actually yelling. But they’re in the same house and they’re trying. They care. They just don’t know what else to do.
I see the patterns and I also see the way out. I can tell you exactly what would work instead. I can tell you how to reconnect without all – or any – frustration. Sometimes that’s just because I’m an outsider so I have perspective. And sometimes it’s because that’s what I do. It’s just me. Book a call and find out how to get out of your vicious cycle. https://drdeb.com/book