When your spouse finally learns that you’ve caught him or her cheating – in one way or another – what’s the usual reaction?

They get defensive. They cover it up. They minimize it. And they’re not the ones reading this post. You are. The one that got cheated on.

And you have to figure out what to do next.

You love them. Yes, you love them in spite of this. Everyone’s telling you you’re hurting yourself. They’re telling you you’ve got to let go. They’re telling you this person is NO GOOD. But for some reason, you’re not listening. You’re stuck.

You’re intelligent. You’re educated. You have a brain that knows better. Why are you stuck in this nightmare?

This nightmare of feeling your heart beating out of your skin because you can’t be sure what your next discovery will be?

There was the time when you went into the bank account and the money was gone.

There was the time when you innocently borrowed their phone and you could not believe what you saw.

And the excuses and deflections you got. You wanted, so very, very badly to believe the excuses. There was a part of you that DID believe them. You’re a good soul. You were thinking: This person I’ve known for years and years would not do that to me!

But you couldn’t get what you saw out of your head. Like a traumatic attack in a back alley, the image keeps coming back to you and you are tormented by it. You’re tormented with questions, too: Is this real? Am I living in some sort of horrible nightmare that I will wake up from? Can we get the old days back? Can we just forgive, get back to normal and move on? Can we pretend this didn’t happen?

You would like all and any of those choices, wouldn’t you?

They keep you going from day to day…..until the next discovery. Another violation. Another betrayal. How COULD they?

Your breathing is shallow and comes in gasps. Your head hurts. Your stomach is sick. You cannot think clearly. Sleep is an old, forgotten friend left down the road months ago. This is AWFUL.

And there are times when the nightmare goes away, and you are lulled into a false sense of daily normal, a false sense of being okay. Except you aren’t. If you’re brave, you go forward and hunt for more “evidence” so that you don’t have to remain in this limbo. You don’t know whether finding the evidence is worse or not knowing is worse. Finding the evidence at least keeps you connected to reality, terrifying as it is.

WHAT SHOULD YOU DO??

Answer #1: Take care of yourself.

Above all, take care of yourself. You cannot succeed – in turning things around, in helping your children, in going on living, frankly – if you do not take care of yourself. Taking care of yourself means being kind, not blaming, not torturing yourself with the information. It means eating, sleeping, exercising, working at things you love doing. It means making a living and being proud of your accomplishments in that regard because it may come down to your own income and no one else’s at some point. It literally means getting back to having fun, laughing. It means finding yourself.

I know that’s a tall order. I get that. Here you are, overwhelmed, miserable, anxious, maybe you cannot stop crying, maybe all of the above, and I’m asking you to stop doing all that to take care of yourself. How the #$%^ are you supposed to do that? – you’re wondering. But see, there is a big REASON to start by taking care of yourself. Or several reasons:

*For one thing, it will help you simply go on. And you need to go on for the people in your life that depend on you.

*But here’s another, hidden, benefit: It turns you from needy and grasping to confident and self-sufficient. Or at least, you will LOOK that way. No one has to know the turmoil inside your heart and soul.

*Here’s the most surprising side benefit: When you start walking the walk, not only do you look like you’re together, you actually start to BE together. You actually start to FEEL better. And it shows.

So you see, for these reasons, alone, you need to take care of yourself. Can you see that?

Let me help you get there. I offer real solutions that are TRANSFORMATIVE. We’re not talking about band aids. We’re talking about transformation. Book a call if this picture looks like you: https://drdeb.com/book