Why isn’t it working? You know you can change; you’ve done it. You’re not the same person you were before your marriage, right? You’re a little wiser. Maybe you’re also a little more hurt? Or a lot more? But you know you’ve changed.
So what is it with your spouse? Why can’t/don’t they change?
Why is it you have to tell them a thousand times and even that is not enough? Why did you get so low in who you are that now you scream sometimes – and that still does not get through?
Like the time you went out to a social gathering and your partner just walked away. Left you standing there. Just so cold. And you’ve said it again and again: “Don’t do that. Don’t abandon me.” But it goes in deaf ears.
Or the time you freaked out, positively freaked out when your partner started screaming at the kid. Okay, she was beating up her brother. But Brother was laughing. He thought it was a game. Your partner started chasing down the little girl and you were terrified he would ruin her self-esteem for life.
Or just sitting at the dinner table. Can’t he/she help clean up? Why is it MY job? Why am I the unpaid chef, dishwasher, babysitter, homework sitter and sex playmate???
You’ve told them and told them and it seems to go in one ear and out the other. I used to think “poor guy; it just doesn’t sink in.” Nonsense. It sinks in. Sometimes, they just didn’t WANT to change.
And that is one of the keys. The key is not that people don’t or can’t change. It’s that they don’t want to. So what do you do with that? You’re at your wits end. You’re a nice person, but really, there’s got to be an end to this!
What will happen to the kids who see this every day? Will they learn from the parent that’s not listening to not listen? Will they learn from you that trying doesn’t work?
How frustrated can one person get anyway? How alone in a marriage?
And where will I be in 3 months or 6 months if I DON’T do something about this now?
Well, there’s also Key #2: They have no clue what to do.
That sounds clueless, right? But they are so stuck in their own world, their own way of seeing things, that they honestly do not know what you want. Let’s go back to the “don’t abandon me at parties” example. It seems extremely simple to understand – from your point of view.
But from there’s – not at all. It makes no sense. All they EVER knew was being alone, paving their own path, doing their own thing. Being together and all the responsibilities that go with it are so foreign that even leaving you standing there at a party doesn’t seem like any big deal. You move on to something and they will too. They “heard” you but they do not “get” it.
You are so frustrated you are ready to go see a lawyer. I understand. But hold up, okay? See me first. Because I not only can help them understand – even better, I can help them WANT to cooperate and I can help them learn HOW to cooperate with all your wishes and dreams. Really.
That’s why I’m here. I can help. I can laser focus on why he/she doesn’t change and what to do about it in just ONE conversation. Wouldn’t THAT be valuable information!?
Book a free call with me and don’t worry about “taking up my time.” I love to do this. https://drdeb.com/book