⭐️ “Yup, that’s what I’m doing,” I told my son.
I was kind of surprised as the words came out of my mouth. This was a huge personal decision, a lifetime dream.
⭐️ When I grew up, got married, had kids, went back to school, time just passed and I left that dream on the side. Then it was, well I have to be able to afford it, and then it was, how do I serve the people in my Facebook group and in my courses? There was always another reason holding me back.
Today there aren’t any reasons.
I landed across the ocean on Wednesday and made my way in the late afternoon to the familiar grocery store in my son’s neighborhood. I walked in there and although I hadn’t visited in two years, I knew where things were. That was a good feeling.
⭐️ On the bus down the hill towards my little rental, I was asking myself: How in the world did I make that decision, anyway? How did it just pop out of my mouth without the back and forth process?
It was clearly what I wanted and had wanted forever. But still, why at that moment? How?
How does anyone make the right decision and know without a doubt that it is the right decision?
And riding that bus, I got it: It came from my heart.
⭐️ See, since I’ve been working with IFS (Internal Family Systems), this is what I’m realizing: Those internal arguments that we all have – the excuses and reasons we make for not doing what is closest to our hearts – are coming from out protector parts. They are not “us.”
Our true selves have feelings that are expansive, encompassing, accepting (and not expecting). They’re aligned with our very essence. They are us.
⭐️ Protectors on the other hand are worried, nervous, full of doubt; they have an agenda. For sure, they are parts of us, but only parts.
Where did those qualities come from?
Well, protectors are kids. They came into being when we were kids and didn’t know better. They think like the kids we used to be. And they don’t grow up as we do.
⭐️ Our Selves can talk to the parts of us that worry but the moment we feel worried, we are no longer in Self energy. Rather, we are being ruled by these little kid parts.
The funny thing about this is that these little kid parts can be very sophisticated in their reasoning at times; they can name a million great excuses and persuade you that they are right.
But they’re not.
⭐️ They’re not because they came from an agenda and not the perspective that your Self has. They cannot see other viewpoints or feelings. Each protector part does its own job and isn’t able to grasp other jobs. That’s where Self comes in.
Worry, by definition, for example, is just a part. Not you.
⭐️ Doubts, uncertainty, fear, anxiety are all parts.
Don’t get me wrong. Protector parts, like their name implies, protect. They really do. There does have to be an element of realism in your decisions. That means you surely can and should listen to what your parts have to say.
But then the ultimate decision must come from your heart.
And that is the real decision and the right one. Why?
⭐️ Because your heart in Self “knows” what is right. According to Dr. Richard C. Schwartz, the person who, I believe, truly understands how human beings work, our Selves are undamaged by the difficulties of life.
Our Selves may very well be hidden from our awareness so that we “feel like” the resentful person or the nervous person or the doubtful person or the victim person that we have come to believe is us.
But it isn’t.
⭐️ These parts are genuine parts of us for sure, but our Selves are bigger than the sum of all of them. They’re more. They’re connected to the Divine. They have wisdom and worthiness and value.
(BTW, that’s why if you take yoga or other Eastern practice and they say “Namaste” what that means is, “I see the Divine in you.”)
⭐️ So in Self, we have the wisdom that chooses correctly.
⚡️ (If this is all a tad out of reach, especially if you’re new in this group, be sure to access all the material in my Linktree list – especially do a search for IFS in the video library.)
How, then do we experience our true Self?
⭐️ We did an exercise in our Thursday night lives a few times and you can try it too. Just notice the mood(s) you are in. Let each mood be held by only a part of you. Ask each part to step away just a little bit until you have cleared space for only Self energy.
Notice what that feels like. If there is a negative feeling, that’s just another part. If some voice in your head is judging this with rolled eyeballs, that, too, is another part. Ask those to also step aside for a few minutes.
⭐️ Again, tune into how you feel. When you’ve peeled away the parts, you are in Self. Stay there for a while and allow yourself to access your intuition and wisdom; they are aspects of Self.
⚡️ Practice this daily.
⚡️ That is how you make the very best decisions.