Sherry and Tim were skeptical.
Who was this DrDeb anyway? How come she thinks she can turn marriages around?Sherry and Tim were fighting every day. They didn’t mean to. They didn’t want to. But somehow, something always happened and they just . . . did.
They did not want a divorce although if you asked them, they couldn’t explain that, either.Logically, they should want to get out of the mess not keep it going.
Well, they did want out. But not through divorce. They opted to take a leap and take risks. Risking their emotions, risking being vulnerable in front of each other.Heck, risking being real in front of *themselves.* (which may be the hardest part.)
And what did they learn?
Well, for openers, they were shocked that DrDeb separates them. That’s right.
I separate couples to work on themselves for three-quarters of my program.
Don’t they know themselves after 40, 50 or more years?
Actually, no one does. Not you, not me. Well, maybe me because I keep discovering new things about myself through the techniques I teach in my course.
So did Sherry and Tim, like for instance, Sherry discovered that if Tim raised his voice, even in a phone call to someone else, it triggered her. Why?
She came into the course not knowing why. In fact, she couldn’t place what the trigger was. Was it Tim’s tone of voice? Or what, exactly, he said? Was it the nature of the relationship he had with the person on the call? Or something else?She didn’t know.
But using a method of tracking that I developed, she found out in a short time.She remembered back to her childhood when her father would get frustrated with people who he felt misjudged him. He would then make snide comments to them – which only made the relationships he had worse.
Her mother eventually left him.
And there she was, her small-child self, scared stiff of what would become of her, frightened at her dad, frightened at the future. And missing her dad. She discovered very quickly in my course that Tim’s loudness made her afraid that people would turn against him.
And somehow, she would be left alone.
It didn’t have to make sense. We all have fears and anxieties that come from the minds of the little children that we used to be: irrational, but powerful.
I am now combining the brilliant work of Rickard Schwartz on Internal Family Systems . . .
. . . with the genius of the research on neuron-synapse reconsolidation of Bruce Ecker . . . . . . to very quickly heal Sherry from frightening, tragic, anxiety-filled, or traumatic moments.In a few moments of safe recall, Sherry is over it.
This one problem will not bother her again.
What’s more, the experience will be joyous.
It always is. People love putting the pieces together. They feel more whole. They feel connected to all of who they are.
And this is just one part of my program to heal couples. But it’s an important part.
Because it’s only when Sherry can be in Tim’s presence and not be triggered by ordinary things that there’s room for them to safely reconnect.
The reverse is also true. That’s why I work with Tim alongside Sherry.
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