“We’ve drifted too far.”
“He just walks out the door without a word” Period. They are afraid of getting hurt. They’ve been hurt and they don’t want it repeated. It is that simple. What it does NOT mean is that there’s “nothing there” anymore. Because they don’t know and you don’t know if there is or isn’t. To find out, they’d have to end the cut-off. Doesn’t it seem clear that the REAL problem is to find out why they are afraid of intimacy with you? Okay, I will buy part of that story. They experienced something you did which hurt them. BUT is that the whole you? Aren’t you capable of changing that one thing that hurt them? Never, ever overlook another person’s pain. Let’s say a wife goes and files for divorce (the majority of filers are the women; research shows that 70% of divorce filers are women). Well, this man she rejected is now hurt and angry and so he files something in court that his heart really doesn’t believe, but he wants to “show” her how hurt he is. Let’s look at these people 10 years later. Did her husband ever get a chance to meet those needs? Can she heal? She can and should move on, sure. But the problem that existed in that marriage cannot be mended because you can’t mend it once you’re not married to each other. Another way of saying this is that it is impossible to meet emotional needs for love, understanding, feeling validated, feeling supported and encouraged, feeling like a team once you’re divorced. You can marry someone else and perhaps feel very good in that marriage, but 60% of second marriages are said to fail. There are many reasons for this: And I believe there is a PART of this cutting-off spouse that wants that. If they really didn’t want you, they would have filed themselves.
1 – Read all of my LinkTree posts and watch the replays from the library that are listed there. To find the linktree list, go to the welcome I gave you in Messenger when you first joined. To find that, here’s my personal messenger inbox m.me/deb.hirschhorn. Alternatively, go to the Guides section of our group and scroll down til you find it. 2 – Keep educating yourself about the POSSIBILITIES for change and growth by following these posts and watching the lives on Thursdays. (They used to be a 9 PM but that was late for too many people.) Watch out for the announcement in the group and in your email as to the time and the zoom link. 3 – Focus on yourself. There are two reasons to focus on yourself: First in order to heal because even though you may very well have hurt or scared your partner, they cut you off and you need to heal. Second because as you change, your partner may see it. They may not, too, but if they do, you now have an opening for the next step.4 – Have them join a short zoom call with me where I will (most importantly) make them feel safe and understood. They have been hurtful, yes, but in order for repair and healing to begin, they need to feel safe and understood.
Have them join a short zoom call with me where I will (most importantly) make them feel safe and understood. They have been hurtful, yes, but in order for repair and healing to begin, they need to feel safe and understood. If it is meant to be, the two of you will work with my team to heal, to discover your goodness, and finally, to give each other the opportunity to experience each other’s true good Self. If you do not believe me after reading all this, I suggest you look at the videos in the Guides of people who did succeed at rekindling the spark. Even when they were on the brink of divorce.