No. It doesn’t.You are stuck forever in taming the overburdened parts that pop up unexpectedly.
So where’s the good news?
The good news is it doesn’t bother you any-more.In fact, it turns the problem into a gem.
The more Self energy you bring to your internal system, the more you have for others in the external world. So when you mess up and realize it, you can return to Self energy and do some healing too.And it starts to be;
· Interesting
· Fun
· A challenge to figure out how you can “beat your own score”*
· A great opportunity to heal yourself some more from earlier hurts.
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By “beat your own score” I mean how much faster you can unblend from the parts of you that have taken over you than you used to.
So on Christmas Day when all was still in the neighborhood, I needed sour cream to go with the potato pancakes that my daughter had specially made for me as a Chanukah treat.But when I got outside, my driveway was blocked by a car I’d never seen before.
I rang all the surrounding bells with no luck.
Then, a half hour later, a guy came out who I’d never seen either, and matching them up I asked if it was his car blocking the driveway. Let’s pause here. Was I in Self energy at that moment?
No!
Pretty obvious, right?
I was annoyed because I really wanted my lunch and I’d been wasting a half hour. So instead of a friendly “Hi,” I had let him know that he was blocking the driveway.Not friendly at all.
Well, he got angry!
Duh?
What would I expect, really, from someone who I’d attacked so quickly?He told me a story about how his father told him to park there because that was his spot and he was bringing his father food, and wound up with, “You were totally inappropriate! Totally inappropriate!”
I felt myself saying, “No, I wasn’t.”
There! That was my argumentative part. The one that can’t be falsely accused.See, it’s circumstances like this that tell you what parts are inside of you.
And then you get the golden opportunity to check into your history for why they had to enter your life in the first place.It’s very revealing.
There’s that “Ohhhhhhhh, now I see” factor.
As a child, I could not stand being told by a grownup why my intentions were wrong. After all, no one can read my mind! And I would indeed bristle.I wanted to argue with my parents, but I wasn’t allowed to “talk back.” Double whammy.
Anybody familiar with this?
And this stranger in my driveway took me fully by surprise and I fell right into the trap of allowing my indignant, annoyed, and self-righteous parts to take over.So how did I feel?
After he left the driveway it took me a good 10, 15 min to realize what happened! Yes, me. It can happen to anyone.I realized later, thinking about it, that for unknown reasons this guy wanted to fight. Clearly, there were cars that he was blocking and when he got out of his car, he couldn’t miss them. But he wanted to be self-righteous, too.
His father told him to park there, so he was “right.” And he must have gotten out of that car expecting some flak for his choice of spot.So after I realized that my parts had taken over, I asked them why they did. And it brought me miles and years back in time to all that same kind of pattern at home as a kid.
Which in turn, gave me the gift of a chance to rescue that kid once and for all who never got the chance to defend herself.“Talk to me, baby! Tell me everything. I’m here to listen” I said to the child within me.
I listened.
“And what else do you need?” I asked little Deb.
“Make her see she was wrong. Make her say she’s sorry!”
I could do that. The imagination is a very powerful tool!
My mom said she’s sorry and I, my adult Self, hugged my mom and told her it’s okay. I know now what she went through in her life, her challenges.We had a nice hug.
In my imagination.
But it was really nice, just the same.
And little Debby got to finally, finally be heard. A really nice thing. So it turns out the challenges are good things. You can turn all of them into healing, even the ones where you mess up and let your little kid protector parts get the best of your Self energy.