Marriage and Relationships

Why People Don’t Apologize and What to Do About It

by Deb Hirschhorn | Apr 12, 2012 | Marriage and Relationships

It’s amazing how many people can’t seem to apologize. Here are some reason that this might happen: They grew up in homes where people were blamed whenever things went wrong. Therefore, apologizing is not only an admission that they did something wrong—which they...

How to Be Assertive and Get Treated Like an Equal

by Deb Hirschhorn | Apr 10, 2012 | Marriage and Relationships

You may remember I was letting you peek into the lives of Cally and Tim. Tim was a busy, focused man and when he needed something from Cally, he would simply give her marching orders. His demeanor, though cold, was not rude, and Cally could not put her finger on why...

Two Simple Secrets of Assertiveness

by Deb Hirschhorn | Apr 5, 2012 | Marriage and Relationships

Cally was rushing. She was making something that had to get put in the oven in just 15 min in order to come out on time for her to dash off to do carpool. Hopefully, the baby wouldn’t mind being awakened from her nap at that point. Her days—and nights—were always like...

What Are Mixed Messages?

by Deb Hirschhorn | Jan 22, 2012 | Marriage and Relationships

In psychological terms mixed messages are called “double binds” and they were discussed extensively way back by Gregory Bateson (http://www.anecologyofmind.com/). Analytical people will enjoy Bateson. Let’s look at Mary Lou, who delivers mixed messages. We met...

Why People Give Mixed Messages

by Deb Hirschhorn | Jan 19, 2012 | Marriage and Relationships

By the good fortune of technology, we can enjoy Abbot and Costello’s famous routine, “Who’s on first. What’s on second, and I-Don’t-Know is on third.” Those guys are still funny today. It’s just not so funny when you’re married to someone who is sending mixed...

How Do You Know When Your Marriage Is Over?

by Deb Hirschhorn | Jan 11, 2012 | Marriage and Relationships

Something you need to do before you decide the marriage is really over: Get to a baseline of who you really are and how you really treat others. Then you can know for sure if there’s something there or not. No! Go further: Take your spouse out on dates and get...

Putting Sex on a Pedestal

by Deb Hirschhorn | Jan 9, 2012 | Marriage and Relationships

True intimacy doesn’t cut off who you are or who your partner is. True intimacy includes your mind, heart, and intellect as well as your body. Sex becomes so much more enjoyable that...

How Your Relationships Affect Who You Are

by Deb Hirschhorn | Dec 7, 2011 | Marriage and Relationships

You thought you had an identity. Actually, you have many of them. This is not my original idea. The idea was first proposed by Kenneth Gergen 20 years ago in a book he wrote called The Saturated Self. I just came across some thoughts I had on it which I want to share...

Are You Codependent or Connected to Each Other?

by Deb Hirschhorn | Dec 5, 2011 | Marriage and Relationships

Is it normal for one person’s happiness to be dependent on another person? Isn’t that co-dependent? In my last two blog posts I addressed codependency. I explained that a key to understanding co-dependency is that while one person does something destructive, the other...