What Are Mixed Messages?
In psychological terms mixed messages are called “double binds” and they were discussed extensively way back by Gregory Bateson (http://www.anecologyofmind.com/). Analytical people will enjoy Bateson. Let's look at Mary Lou, who delivers mixed messages. We met her in...
Why People Give Mixed Messages
By the good fortune of technology, we can enjoy Abbot and Costello’s famous routine, “Who’s on first. What’s on second, and I-Don’t-Know is on third.” Those guys are still funny today. It’s just not so funny when you’re married to someone who is sending mixed...
Anger: Abuse That Shoots Yourself In the Foot
You’re angry. Boy, are you angry. She didn’t do things the way YOU wanted them. A lot of good that anger’s going to do you. I mean, did you think that because you’re angry, she’s going to say, “Oh, I’m so sorry!” Did you think she will turn to you with eyes full of...
Is It Escapism or Self Care?
Patricia was so sad. “I just sit in the chair and cry,” she told me. “I don’t get my work done and I can’t get past it.” “It” could be anything. For some people, it’s a bad fight; for others, a blunder they made that they regret so much it gets in the way of moving...
How Do You Know When Your Marriage Is Over?
Something you need to do before you decide the marriage is really over: Get to a baseline of who you really are and how you really treat others. Then you can know for sure if there's something there or not. No! Go further: Take your spouse out on dates and get to know...
Putting Sex on a Pedestal
True intimacy doesn't cut off who you are or who your partner is. True intimacy includes your mind, heart, and intellect as well as your body. Sex becomes so much more enjoyable that way. https://youtu.be/b1kb_1dLPQg
Compassion Training For Abusers
“Boy, your last post must have been about me,” someone said. “For me, as soon as we’re in an argument, it’s all about winning at any cost. I can be sarcastic, do the put-downs, yell, whatever it takes to win. And you know what? I don’t want to be an abuser any more....
Stonewalling–Is That A Man Thing?
It is normal to be upset when upsetting things occur. “Normal” doesn’t mean good or healthy, just what is expected under the circumstance. So, for example, someone, let's call her Caroline, might scream because her husband had been attacking her relentlessly, even...
Is Jealousy Normal?
I wrote a post about someone, Caroline, who was hysterical after her husband, Phil, accused her of having an affair when she was not. He was relentless in his attack, even waking her in the middle of the night to “discuss” it. Her over-the-top reaction was normal...
Why Lashing Out Backfires–Even When You Are Right
Last post told Caroline’s story. She was falsely accused, attacked, actually, and awakened in the middle of the night for “discussions” until she finally lost it. I contended that under such circumstances, her behavior was not at all crazy, but normal. "Thank you, so...