7 Ways to Win an Argument
In 1974, Dr. Murray Straus of the University of New Hampshire was interested in testing the prevalent theory of the time that said “venting” works to let off emotional steam when someone is angry. Surveying over 300 college students about aggression in their homes, he...
How the Diagnostic & Statistical Manual (DSM) Came to Be
Michael is a neatnick. This is not bad. He keeps everything in order, can find whatever he needs, feels free of debris, and thinks more clearly because of it. His wife, Marcie, is a bit more, shall we say, free. She is not bound by rules of where to put things, how to...
What You Need to Know about Psychotherapy Approaches
On December 2, 2012, I spoke at a parenting conference to a pretty good-sized audience given that it was only a month after Hurricane Sandy devastated the area. After the panel of therapists was finished with small breakout sessions, a sampling of them met for a Q...
Playing Victim Is Emotional Abuse
There are people who don’t allow the feeling of compassion in. That may seem amazing to you: If someone else said they are hurt, how can you not feel badly about it? The answer is that they come from worlds away where tears don’t stir emotions; they are hardened –...
Are You A Know It All? – A Simple Test
“I swear,” he said to me, shaking his head, “she is so stupid—.” I cut him off quickly with, “Stupid? Is she stupid? Didn’t she graduate college?” “Well, yes,” he stammered, “but, please, how could someone do something like that?” “Okay,” I answered, “that’s a...
Hurricane Sandy Snags a Therapist
Yaaay! We moved into our new place - finally after three months - and that is why I am a day late posting my new blog entry. Here is the story I wrote last week that led up to Monday's move... One of my grandsons is sitting three inches from me on the couch reading...
The Relationship Between Negative Self-Talk and Grandiosity
Remember Kerry? We wrote about him a couple weeks ago. He and his brother-in-law had a flare-up because Kerry used some very sharp language to make his point. He felt entitled to “express” himself. His wife, Penny, was exhausted with a lifetime of this sort of thing....
One Surprising Reason People Don’t Apologize
Kerry got into it with his brother-in-law again. Somehow this happened with some, almost predictable, regularity about twice a year. Each time was painful for them and for the witnesses. Yet, it seemed doomed to repeat itself. And in that horrible cycle, Kerry would...
How to Explain Tragedy to Children
On September 11, 2001, I got a call from my daughter, concerned about a plane that seemed to have gone astray into the World Trade Center. Within a short while we all learned that the news was about a planned attack. The inexplicable. How do we explain this to our...
What Is Missing In How We Treat Mental Illness
I'm angry. I am so angry that I need to get it out before I can reach out with love and tears to the families of murdered children. I am angry because I have been saying for years that our country is going about its handling of mental illness in the wrong way. I have...