IS PAIN GOOD?
I was reading Steven Stosny the other day and he said something profound. He has been working for decades on helping people who've been not merely angry, but sometimes enraged, to feel compassion. This is no easy matter because highly angry people often don't feel...
The Nasty Reason You Won’t Change Until You Get Threatened With Divorce
Mary screamed. She did not like herself screaming. She hated it. But she couldn't help it. She screamed at Tim. It was nasty. Tim retreated to his phone. In fact, he walked out the door and retreated to his phone. But the reality is that Tim did not fix any of the...
When You’re Ready To Leave, Consider This.
You are sick and tired of this. Sick of him/her not being home. Sick of the lies. Sick of the distance, the disconnection. Sick of putting up with feeling second class, unimportant. You cannot tolerate it. And why should you? You're a good person. No reason whatever...
Men, You Have To Step Up To The Plate
70% of divorces are initiated by women. Why is that? It seems that the old saying is true, "happy wife, happy life." Do men have simpler needs? Are women harder to please? What's going on? Strength One truth is that for centuries, men have thrown their power around....
How Did A Good Person Like Me End Up In A Marriage Like This?
When you look at yourself and your own behavior, you just can't understand how you got here. You're a good person. You have a good heart. You wouldn't want to hurt anybody. Yet…. You've found yourself stooping way lower than you could have imagined, saying...
Is One Partner Ever The Objective, Sane One?
Someone named Mr. Edwards asked me if his wife was "ready" for marital therapy because he didn't think she was. The question puzzled me. Why does anyone have to be ready? You just do it. Like the time, when I was about 8 years old in summer camp and I stood in diver's...
Is Life Supposed To Be This Bad?
Did you ever hear the story of the two frogs? One was thrown into a pot of boiling water and he jumped out very quickly - and was saved. The other frog was put in an empty pot. Shortly, some nice, cool, refreshing water was being filled up in the pot and the frog was...
Why Apologies Don’t Work
Imagine the scene inside a therapy office: Therapist: So who wants to start off? Let me know why you're here, okay? Sheila: We're here because George has been pulling away from me for a long time. Therapist: How long? Sheila: At least five years. It's been a...
The Brains of Couples Who Are In For Life
According to researchers - who've spent their entire careers studying romantic love and passion - it is possible to be in love for life. The researchers studied the brains of couples who were married at least 10 years. They completed all kinds of self-report tests,...
Compassion Is Good Self-Care
The Best Self-Care: Compassion For The Messed-Up Partner He was beside himself. At four in the morning, Steve got a call from the police. His wife was out cold behind the steering wheel of her car which was that close to being completely wrapped around a tree. He...