Why Apologies Don’t Work

Imagine the scene inside a therapy office: Therapist: So who wants to start off? Let me know why you’re here, okay?  Sheila: We’re here because George has been pulling away from me for a long time. Therapist: How long? Sheila: At least five years....

Compassion Is Good Self-Care

The Best Self-Care: Compassion For The Messed-Up Partner He was beside himself. At four in the morning, Steve got a call from the police. His wife was out cold behind the steering wheel of her car which was that close to being completely wrapped around a tree. He...

Abusers Can Learn

I look abusers in the eye I tell them what’s what. With love. Because they’re not inherently evil.  We’re going to take a peek into little Randy’s house. Randy is four years old. His three-year-old sister just got a gift from a doting aunt. It...

Band-Aids Are Toxic

I was never a therapist who was content to listen and say, “Awww” to complaints and problems. Mind you, I am compassionate. I’m not as hard-nosed as it might sound here. But I also am a roll-up-your-sleeves type of person. Whether that’s preparing a...
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