What would it be like to hear someone near and dear to you criticizing you . . .. . . and not be bothered by it?
Maybe be concerned for them? Like, what’s bothering them that they have to do this?And feel your heart open to them with compassion?
What would that be like?
Getting there is a fascinating process – and everyone loves it.
Here are the steps:
Step 1: Discover Your SelfMost people don’t even realize that underneath their sometimes unpleasant parts is a beautiful Self.
When they’re angry, frustrated, sulky, rude, critical, argumentative, shut down, feeling hurt, or whatever, they will declare:“That’s who I am!”
Um, not exactly.
That’s a part of who they are.
And they know it themselves. When you get them quiet and reflective and you ask them: “Are you ever nice?”Generous?
Compassionate?
Caring?
Of course they will say, “Yes, sure.”
Well, that is their Self-energy peeking through the clouds.
All the rest of the stuff are protective parts of us that we needed when we were kids and didn’t have coping skills.We did the best we could.
Or those parts of us did.
But here’s the problem with thinking those parts are all of who you are: It feels yucky.
No one likes being critical, indignant, reactive, or mean.Being governed by protective parts is not a happy way to live life.
So what’s absolutely necessary is to peel away the layers of protectors to discover your Self.This is do-able.
Just sit down and take a few minutes for yourself. Breathe quietly. Ask all the emotions and chatter in your head to just give you space for a bit.Imagine these parts stepping back.
That calm, free, light core that is left is Self.It may not be easy to do this exercise if you’ve never done it with some outside help. Some people can. But we’re here to help the majority of you.
Step 2: Discover Your Parts and Why They Need To Protect YouIt’s not enough to discover your Self.
Because, like you said earlier, “That who I am – or that’s part of who I am.”So you need to understand why they came into your life.
And why they think they have to keep protecting you.
Most of the time, they don’t.
But they’re triggered by what happens in your life and they go on automatic. They’ve been doing this for 30, 40, 50 or more years.So this is where it really gets to be fun: You have a conversation with them.
You read that right!
Your Self – that’s “you” – can find out more about their “job” in protecting you by asking questions.
Most people will need to work with someone to get this practice clear, kind of like working with a trainer in the gym, or a teacher. When we know what these parts of us are striving to accomplish, our Self, which is wise and has perspective, will automatically “know” if there is a better way.Imagine the [bad] habits of a lifetime just dissolving because Self assures the protectors that she’s got it, or he’s got it.
That means that as we discover the jobs these protective parts have in our world, we can ask them to take on more enjoyable jobs instead.They don’t need to be cranky, complaining, negative, and in pain.
Self can handle the challenges with better solutions.
Step 3: Notice When Parts Still Want To Take Over and Create Space For Self Even though the habits dissolved, and you feel lighter, happier, more at peace inside and with the world, something will trigger them to pop up.That’s guaranteed. That’s life.
So the next step is making a daily practice of creating space for Self energy.
Then, when these protective parts jump to the rescue, your Self can remind them that you are there, you, your Self, are in charge and you will take care of things.Over time, the parts start to believe you.
Or another way of putting it is that the old habits will go away, replaced by new ones.Happier ones.
Do you want this for yourself? Love to hear your comments.