I can hear someone out there muttering, “Boy, she’s going off topic! I thought this was a group about Loving Yourself and Loving Your Marriage.”Well, yes, kind of it is off topic.
And then again, it’s not.
To love yourself means to love your LIFE.
It means that life has meaning, wonder, hope . . .
. . . .there’s gotta be a tomorrow.
And that YOU have a place in this miracle we call life. Because if we didn’t feel that life was amazing and that we can contribute to its amazingness, then why are we here?So, I wouldn’t say there is any scientific way of proving miracles. In fact, the world of miracles, by definition, would lie outside of science.
I think it’s bigger than science.
But it’s part of the Big Picture. IMO.
So, yes, I do believe in miracles.
And I have to tell you, one of them, again, IMO, is that Dr. Richard C. Schwartz discovered a method of healing in therapy that actually works.And I heard him with my own ears say “It’s guaranteed.”
I’ve seen the results myself: The sigh of relief that a person feels knowing that parts of her that have acted badly are “only” parts and not her real Self. Results like a husband and wife actually being able to address their own vulnerabilities in a loving, kindly manner.. . .without feeling like a victim,
Or angry,
Or frightened.
Just actually sharing, growing closer because of the sharing.So, yes, I’ve seen why it’s guaranteed.
Well, some of you are new in this group and don’t know what I’m talking about, so I will share it because it is one of the miracles in my world.It is called Internal Family Systems Therapy.
The creator, Dr. Schwartz, borrows some principles from Family Systems Therapy, such as:-
there’s nothing wrong with you; you are not sick and you are not evil (and your diagnosis was wrong.)
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we all have “parts” of us that act badly because they are relics of our childhood; call them your inner children if you want, but they are not “us” – yes, they are part of us and we don’t want to toss them out, but –
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we have a Self that is more than the sum of our parts. That Self is kind, loving, full of joy, connected, wise, and more. And it was never damaged by life. Our Self might have been hidden away behind our protective parts, however.
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so our job – and when you think about it, it is so elegant – is to lovingly peel away the layers of protection to find the beautiful, shining Self that was hidden away.
That’s it! That’s the whole job!
Because you DO love yourself when your Self energy is in charge of you.Not only that, when you and your partner have found your true Selves under the protectors – that’s when you can talk!
That’s when you can be who you are without all the unpleasant behavior that the “parts” toss out there to be protective. (Yes, it’s true that it doesn’t help; but these parts are kids, remember. They think like kids.)That process can happen. I see it happen every day.
So what’s a miracle if not that?A way to help people and their marriages that actually works.
It actually has a defined endpoint (Self-leadership of all the parts)And a method of getting there (IFS).
I’m going to spell out IFS the day before the Christmas weekend so that you can be happier over your holiday, thinking about the possible miracles in your life. That’s going to be tomorrow at 1 PM Eastern on zoom. Watch out for more information tomorrow morning.