A Five-Part Series. Part 2: Breathing  If you're new to this group, maybe you haven't noticed how often I share the wonders of Internal Family Systems (IFS), the brilliant methodology for healing wounds - and most importantly, discovering and loving who you are. So a...

A Five-Part Series. Part 1: Affirmations  Or another way of putting this is, "Hey, DrDeb. You keep talking up Internal Family Systems and how great it is; why do you also teach other tools?" All the tools fit into each other like a neat crossword puzzle.  But let me...

 Sledgehammers and chainsaws are great tools. They pound what's needed and they cut down trees. But don't use them to kill ants, please. We humans come fully equipped with powerful parts that basically run a tight ship for us.  There is a part that gets me up in the...

 Here's my answer: There's no reason to actually try to change someone who is already good, kind, generous, wise, and connected. That doesn't sound like anybody you know, right? But it is.  See, here is what I believe - and my team believes - and some very specific...

 It is absolutely driving you crazy.  Every "discussion" that turns into an argument takes all the supposedly resolved things and brings them up again.  You've apologized.  You've admitted you were wrong.  You've committed not to do whatever it was ever again.  You've...

 People really enjoy using the word "narcissist." They just about gloat. As someone very close to me said, "Well, it describes a whole cluster of behaviors so once you've got that label, you go, 'Oh now all the pieces are falling into place.'" I get that.  When you're...

 It's the men who are contented and the women who are not. As I said in my last post, studies indicate that 70% of people who file for divorce are women.  And if you think I'm railing against men for not being tuned into their wives, you're not correct. After all,...

 "We've drifted too far." "We have nothing in common anymore." "She isn't even talking to me."  "He just walks out the door without a word" "We're separated." . . . "So therefore, it won't work." Bah. Humbug. Those are not obstacles at all. Every example here...

 "She says she's not in love with me anymore." "He barely talks to me and says the connection is lost."  "We are on autopilot and don't feel anything." "Sex doesn't exist. I caught her watching porn." "He is cheating, for sure."  Why? How? What happened?  To answer...

Think of your marriage as a "thing" all by itself. Why bother? When you think of the marriage as a separate thing, it takes away all blame and finger pointing from yourself and from your partner. <<< I like this reason. So let's look at what the Marriage,...