Kerry got into it with his brother-in-law again. Somehow this happened with some, almost predictable, regularity about twice a year. Each time was painful for them and for the witnesses. Yet, it seemed doomed to repeat itself.
Wait! Don’t rush to say, “Silly question, Dr. Deb. Mass murderers are crazy. That’s all.” Let me explain why I pose the question “What Motivates a Mass Murderer” by asking you another question: Would you rather be able to take control of your life or would you rather think that your own life is in the hands of whim and chance?
The more you understand human nature, the more control you have over things that come your way. Here’s a list of things that you can get control of that you never thought possible just by learning what motivates a mass murderer:
At three years of age, Ron was a terror. He basically got what he wanted, not by crying for it, but by waging war. He could not be grabbed fast enough to discipline. He stuck his tongue out at his mother when she tried to teach him right from wrong. He sassed her by poking his rear end out of his pants and laughing before he ran away. At five, he was kicking his parents if they tried to discipline him. They gave up. They told themselves, “He’ll grow out of it.” That was a big mistake.
“I think going to a beach for a week would just be so boring,” Ben said, concerning their vacation plans. “Not only would I be bored but you would be, too. You think you just need to lay out in the sun and do nothing, but I know you; you’d get bored so quick. And then what? We’d be stuck on an island with little to do or we’d give it up and lose the rest of our deposit.”
In the last post, I set up a typical example of mixed messages. (By the way, in psycho-jargon, these are called “double binds” and they were discussed extensively way back by Gregory Bateson. Analytical people will enjoy Bateson.) Mary Lou, who delivered the mixed messages may have had an ulterior motive to doing so and I did not discuss that in that post. I also left open how Lloyd, her husband of 20 years, ought to handle the problem.
By the good fortune of technology, we can enjoy Abbot and Costello’s famous routine, “Who’s on first. What’s on second, and I-Don’t-Know is on third.” Those guys are still funny today.
It’s just not so funny when you’re married to someone who is sending mixed messages. In fact, it’s downright frustrating. But that may be exactly the point. Let me explain with a story.
“Be honest with me,” Mary Lou pleaded with Lou. “Did I do something wrong?”
At three years of age, Ron was a terror. He basically got what he wanted, not by crying for it, but by waging war. He could not be grabbed fast enough to discipline. He stuck his tongue out at his mother when she tried to teach him right from wrong. He sassed her by poking his rear end out of his pants and laughing before he ran away. At five, he was kicking his parents if they tried to discipline him. They gave up. They told themselves, “He’ll grow out of it.” That was a big mistake.
Calista and Ben were bickering again.
It’s amazing how many people can’t seem to apologize. Here are some reasons I’m speculating that this happens:
