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Co-Dependency vs. Victimization
posted November 30, 2011 and categorized in marriage counseling, co-dependencyIt’s always bad to put labels on people—especially yourself—just by looking at the outer behavior. For example, a person with a tremor could have a brain dysfunction, a motor problem, delirium from a life of drinking, or plain old fear. How can you know which it is by just looking at his hands shaking?
Labeling oneself as “co-dependent” could be the same mistake.
Let’s take a case and see how it plays out:...
Verbal Abuse vs. Gracious Speech: It’s the Extra Words
posted November 28, 2011 and categorized in verbal abuse, marriage counselingI was delighted: more feedback! I love opening emails from people or seeing blog comments; I like that sense of conversation. When people post, I know I’m not talking to myself.
Imagine my surprise in reading a comment that I shouldn’t have said in a recent newsletter, “Let me know your thoughts.” Instead, I ought to have said, “Please.” And he or she was right.
After all, why should you, my readers, bother to take your time to...
Can Marriage Fix Insecurity?
posted November 8, 2011 and categorized inElizabeth stood back and looked at the job she had just completed. She had created a display for her work team and it was clear and well organized. But Elizabeth walked off in disgust, thinking it was awful. And no one could convince her otherwise. She came home depressed.
Elizabeth’s insecurity is clear from her childhood. She grew up in a home where no matter what she did or how she did it, it was never good enough. Her parents...
3 Reasons Marriage Counseling Fails
posted October 27, 2011 and categorized in marriage counselingI believe in Marriage Counseling. Well, of course: That’s why I do it! But the cynics among you might think, “Yeah, well, she gets paid after all.” Now that’s a good point. I do get paid, as you do for your work. But honestly, if you did your work, whether it was building buildings or neurosurgery or closing real estate deals, how would you feel about it if it hardly ever worked? How would you feel if your job was a lot of work that went...
Seeing the Good Lurking in the Bad
posted October 24, 2011 and categorized inLet’s call this topic “spiritual.” It’s part of the marriage and family counseling process and there is no way to get away from it.
In order for your marriage to work, it helps to see that Life has meaning and that there is a way to make meaning out of yours. Furthermore, the awful experiences we go through have a good side to them. In some wild and...
Why Do “Verbal Potshots” in Business Make the Front Page?
posted October 10, 2011 and categorized in abuse-in-the-workplaceOn Friday, September 30, 2011, the Wall Street Journal’s interesting “Marketplace” section featured a 1/3 page spread entitled “War of Words” airing the dirty laundry between Oracle (the giant IT company) head Larry Ellison, Hewlett-Pakard, and a company H-P bought, Autonomy. The particulars of the argument over a deal are not relevant to this discussion, although if you’re interested, they can be found online at...
Verbal Abuse at Work: How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot
posted October 2, 2011 and categorized in abuse-in-the-workplaceNo one can afford to turn away potential customers, yet thousands of people are doing just that every day. They are also begging to be fired. Just ask Carol Bartz.
You may be familiar with her name. She was hired as CEO of Yahoo.com in 2009, and by September, 2011, she was fired. Why? The obvious reason is that the company was not doing well. But there was more: She was fired by telephone, something never done at an executive level...
Memory and Logic: Don't Rely on Them
posted September 23, 2011 and categorized in neuroscience“No,” Jake said adamantly, “Don’t you remember? I was standing right there, not here, and I was with Sam, not Sylvia.”
“That’s not the way it was at all,” Stacey said with growing annoyance. “Why do you get everything mixed up? I have a much better memory of things than you do and you are all wrong.”
Jake and Stacey can argue until the cows come home. There will never be a way to prove that either one was right nor will...
ADD is a Gift
posted September 12, 2011 and categorized in ADHDDo me a favor, please. I know you’re frustrated if your spouse or child or mother-in-law has one of those “labels” like ADHD or Dyslexia, or maybe a physical disability. It’s difficult, trying, exasperating. I know. I’ve been there. In fact, I am there.
But I’m asking you to do me a favor. Take a step back and just take a walk with me for a few minutes to a higher vantage point where we can get a better view of the Big Picture. I’d...
Prevent an Ugly Divorce
posted September 6, 2011 and categorized in divorceEvan roared at Sloane. She had just woken up and already her husband of a decade was in a fierce mood. Her heart started pounding and she raced into the bathroom and locked the door, breathless. What could be wrong this time?
And how long must this go on? With three children who loved their dad, she’d always had the same answer: Leave things alone; let him calm down and then go on as if nothing happened. But this was taking its...
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