Women: Are You About to Give up on Your Marriage?

Your marriage is in tatters. You cry nearly every day. Or you are just about ready to have an affair. You cannot stand it anymore. Your husband ignores everything and nothing works: Being nice, not being nice, being a listener, not being a listener, nagging, not nagging. And you are sick of reducing yourself to HIS level, being just as bad as he is. That’s not you! And you do not know what other choices there are. What they really need is a 2 X 4! Well, I mean the verbal equivalent. Actually, I don’t. I would never want to encourage you to be abusive in retaliation. That is the LAST thing you should do. So by 2 X 4 what I REALLY mean is something powerful. Something that will make your spouse stand up and take notice. But by powerful, I DO NOT mean to dish it back. a) That doesn’t work; it just escalates things. b) It is really a sign of weakness, not power. Real Power is being able to get someone to do what you want without hardly saying or doing anything. Let me give you a fantastic example of that kind of power: My father (May he rest in peace). In my whole life til he passed away (I was 27), my father never raised his voice. Not one time. He did not yell. I don’t remember him being angry at me more than once. But he had power over me. Whoa. You know why? Because we had a relationship. Real Power Comes from The Relationship I adored him and wanted to please him....

Is It Escapism or Self Care?

Patricia was so sad. “I just sit in the chair and cry,” she told me. “I don’t get my work done and I can’t get past it.” “It” could be anything. For some people, it’s a bad fight; for others, a blunder they made that they regret so much it gets in the way of moving on. For still other people, what keeps them stuck are the harsh words their spouse threw at them or the secret they found on his computer. For others, “it” is a fight or the lack of words at all; stony silence where there once was laughter. The logical next step is to tell a person to start some self-nurturing activities: go to the gym, read a book, take a walk in the park. “Oh, I do that,” Patricia assured me. “I’m just wondering whether I haven’t turned it into escapism,” she said, adding that she could end up taking an all-afternoon walk in the park or getting so engrossed in a book that she doesn’t do the dishes. It’s Escapism If You Answer These Questions the Wrong Way What an excellent question she posed: Just where does self care end and escapism begin? And how do you tell which one you’re engaged in? The answer can be found by asking the following three questions: 1. What proportion of your time do you spend in goal-oriented activities versus the self-nurturing (or escapist) activity? 2. Do you often feel a compulsion (or a strong pull) toward the escapist activity? 3. How do you feel when you have completed the escapist or self care activity? We...
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