I Call it Verbal Abuse; You Call it No Big Deal

So you are thinking that what I am calling verbal abuse is really no big deal? Let’s see. Here are some questions you might ask: What’s wrong with verbal abuse, specifically, name calling? Why can’t people just take a joke anyway? And here’s another question, Dr. Smarty: If I’m mad at someone, shouldn’t I be able to express my feelings so that she/he knows they did something wrong? Good questions. Let’s look at each of them twice, once for marriage and once for parents. What’s Wrong With Verbal Abuse, Specifically, Name Calling? marriage In a marriage, you are supposed to be equal partners. Right? Ok, now follow my thought: The person who pins a label on another person is the one with the power. That is the reason why, as a marriage counselor, I do not believe in giving people a diagnosis–It, too, is a process of labeling people which gives me unfair power and I don’t need to do that in order to help people. As a therapist, I actually am placing judgment on people when I label them with a diagnosis. It’s as if I said to myself that I am perfectly sane and they are crazy. No wonder people are shy about seeing a therapist. And that’s a shame, but the psychiatrists and psychologists caused this problem. The same is true in relationships. As soon as I call you something, I have given myself power and taken it away from you. That’s why name-calling is a form of verbal abuse. Marriages are not supposed to be power struggles. In fact, if I call you anything except...
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