I Hate My Partner!

Forget about love being gone. You’re way past that. You hate your partner and you want out.  You hate your partner because he/she: stifles your identity; you feel crushed; you no longer know who you are is cheating says things that really cut, often insisting he/she didn’t mean to hurt you neglects you; you feel invisible controls everything until you have no energy left to stand up for yourself I am here to tell you three things: First, your feelings are normal. Second, underneath your hate is love. Third, you have the power to transform the relationship. FIRST, YOUR FEELINGS ARE NORMAL If you believe in evolution, you could say that we must survive. In order to survive, we must protect our Self. In order to do that, we must reject whatever is toxic to that Self. That means that if we perceive that we are being mistreated, that’s a good first step. It identifies the toxic substance. To perceive it and then reject it makes perfect sense. That’s basic survival. From a spiritual perspective, it’s even clearer: Your soul has been injured and as the Talmudic statement goes, “Words from the heart enter the heart.” This is true for kind words and mean ones. They are potent healers and they can be incredibly corrosive. Corrosiveness kindles hate just as healing kindles love. This is how our most basic emotions function. SECOND, UNDERNEATH YOUR HATE IS LOVE Love is composed of many things. Hate is also composed of many things but “the absence of love” is not one of them. A feeling cannot be the absence of something–with the...

More Porn Less Love: What’s Wrong with Sex These Days?

What do porn and substance abuse have in common?: They are both mind-numbing escapes from emotional pain. They both do that very well, engaging the attention of the victims caught in their grip so completely that they can actually fool themselves into believing they like what they are doing. After all, drugs and sex are very powerful chemical agents acting on the brain. And, of particular importance, they both have an equally rapid come-down from their highs. That’s why the true addict must have more very quickly; it doesn’t last. So you think you’re not addicted? Take this test regardless of the substance of choice–work, sex, drugs, explosive anger, cutting, bingeing & purging– Do you get anxious when you don’t have/use/do your addiction? Does that anxiety diminish right in the middle of it? Does the anxiety/tension/need start building up soon after giving in to the pull of the addiction? Is that indulgence a big part of your life? Do you plan your schedule around it? Do you look for it in new places you visit? Is it on your mind a considerable amount of time? If you had to choose between your wife/children/girlfriend/job and the substance/behavior, what would it be? How many arguments with your significant other are about the addictive behavior? When it’s all done-not at the moment it’s happening, of course, but later-do you feel content and happy or strangely empty, missing some obscure something? Now here is the most important question of all: Does your indulgence fulfill you? Is it lovely? Is it meaningful? Is it joyous? How you answer that one is so significant. You...
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