The Silver Lining In Your (Bad) Marriage

Let’s call this topic “spiritual.” It’s part of the marriage and family counseling process and there is no way to get away from it. Sometimes silver linings are so big they cover the whole cloud. In order for your marriage to work, it helps to see that Life has meaning and that there is a way to make meaning out of yours. Furthermore, the awful experiences we go through have a good side to them. In some wild and weird kind of way they enrich us. Maybe they teach us a lesson that we absolutely needed to learn. Maybe they develop a part of our character that needed bolstering. Here is a story that made the hair stand up on the back of my head. I heard it from the source myself many years ago. I was attending a Bar Mitzvah and the boy’s grandfather stood up to speak. He was from Russia. As a Jew during the outbreak of World War II, he was trying to evade the Russian army. He was afraid of experiencing anti-semitism if he were to be conscripted. Sure enough, he was caught and sent to Siberia. There, he was made to go without warm clothing or adequate food. He was mistreated and wondered if he would ever get out. His years there were a blessing as we learned that day at the Bar Mitzvah. You see, he did get out, and when he made his way home, he learned that his entire family had been annihilated by the Nazis. He alone survived. Eventually, he was able to leave Russia; he made his way...

A Powerful Tip To Make The Best Use Of Your Divorce

We have an expression in the Jewish tradition which goes, “Also this is for [the] Good!” It is said with a smile and written with an exclamation point. In the case of divorce, it is a very hard expression about which to be sincere. One wonders how in the world to look at a divorce as good. Even in the case where you are thrilled to be out of a deeply hurtful situation–and what divorce isn’t preceded by pain?–there seems to be nothing good about it. The very least amount of pain is in the disappointment: Months, perhaps years, perhaps even decades of a life were invested in another human being who didn’t come through. Divorce Brings Sad Thoughts Of Lost Years And then there is the sense of total waste: If I invested all this time for no return on my investment, not only do I have a right to be disappointed in my partner, but I have to ask myself, “Why didn’t I have sense enough to avoid this pointless relationship from the get-go?” Or at least, “Why didn’t I get out earlier?” So along with the other-blame comes the inevitable self-blame. And I am here to state emphatically that these are not bad questions. I am not going to tell you not to trouble yourself more with these questions since you are suffering so much. I am, instead, going to say, “Hey, these questions are good. Maybe I can help you answer them. Because, if we can figure this out together, not only do you significantly improve your likelihood of not making the same mistake over...
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