8 More Ways To Heal From Abuse

Many people don’t even realize that they were (or are being) abused. But the assumption that the pain will go away is not correct. What is needed is to take active steps towards recovery. This includes a bunch of wonderful tools. 1. The First Tool Is To Discover Yourself The worst part about verbal abuse is that over time, the victim loses track of who he or she is. That sounds weird, doesn’t it? But it is true. Imagine a small child sitting in a high chair being fed. Mom wants that child to eat. Eating is obviously important, so mom says, “Oh, this is delicious, soooo good.” The little child tastes it. Now, one of two things can happen. Either the child decides it is good, eats it, and grins, or the child hates it. The child may spit for the fun of it, so spitting is not an indication of whether the child likes it or doesn’t. (Spitting is actually a develpmental exercise of the tongue and throat and is, to the baby, a brilliant discovery of what great talents he or she has. Although it is annoying to the adult, it seems to be a standard developmental process that you just have to get through.) Suppose the child spits it out and grins. What should the mom do? Mom should put that food aside, end the meal, and let the child go play. Why? Because if the child were really hungry, he or she would have eaten it. The grin indicates a game. But suppose mom is worried the child hasn’t eaten well. Suppose the mom...

4 Steps to Stop Being a Perpetrator

Perpetrators don’t always want to be. I cannot begin to tell you how many parents, for example, say, “I would never want to hurt my child.” Then they do it anyway. It takes FOUR steps to recover from being a perpetrator: Part I: Admitting you have done wrong Part II: Hating what you’ve done Part III: Resolving never to do it again, no matter what Part IV: Recovering from your own abuse Part I: Admitting You Have Done Wrong The first, I think, is the hardest, especially for victims of abuse. The victim is always used to being, well, the victim. It is shocking, disconcerting, and disturbing to learn that you have been hurting someone you love when all that time you thought you were the one that was hurt. Doesn’t matter. If you hurt someone, you’ve got to own up to it. Not only is this hard because it changes your perception of yourself to a perpetrator–ugh–but also because you may be dishing it out in an entirely different way than you got dished out to. Let’s take an example. Suppose your mom beat you, neglected you, didn’t even make your lunches. You came to school raggedy with unbrushed hair. In those days they didn’t call the Department of Children and Families and it just went on and on. You were, indeed, a victim. You got married, had a kid and resolved never to do that. So you stuck to your resolutions and you got up to give your child breakfast, brushed her hair, and never laid a hand on her. But you did it with a frown,...

Hypnosis for Abuse Recovery

I use hypnosis daily in helping people heal from past pain. Here are the three components and why they each work: Relaxation The biggest selling prescription drug for the last few years has been Prilosec, created to relieve stomach distress. Why would that be the biggest? Because the leading emotional problem in the world is stress and the first system to go down under stress is the digestive system (don’t ask me why). Stress is translated into symptoms in many ways: high blood pressure, rapid heartbeat, difficulty thinking clearly, trouble breathing, cold sweats. There are those who even will draw a link from stress to cancer. Stress Causes Medical Problems Here’s an interesting fact I discovered when I was doing my research for my PhD dissertation on verbal abuse: If a woman is being physically abused, she will have more medical complaints like internal medicine, gastroenterological, gynecological and other health complaints than non-victims and more medical complaints than bruises! Now, what does that mean? Simply, it means that stress is taking its toll of their bodies more than the beatings themselves. Stress comes from (1) wondering when the next attack–verbal or physical–will occur, (2) anguish over the deteriorated relationship, (3) arguments inside her head about the injustice of the last attack or how she could have prevented it, (4) worry about what to do to protect her children, etc. The truth is, I’ve worked with a lot of men who are victimized by their wives, girlfriends and lovers and the problem is the same for them. Even Abusers Are Stressed And, guess what? Oddly enough, the perpetrators are equally...

Laughter: A Requirement for Abuse Recovery

My daughter and her husband were diligently working on changing their newborn boy’s diaper. Suddenly, without warning–there never is warning–he took aim and in seconds, they both got squirted. “We just cracked up,” she told me. They thought it was funny. But they got wet! How did they think it was funny, I wanted to know. “Yeah,” she said, “if it was somebody else’s baby, I probably would have been grossed out. But everything my baby does is cute! We just thought it was funny. So we cleaned him up, put him down, and then got ourselves cleaned up.” Reminds me of the time, many years ago, when one of my babies burped all over me, the goo running down my back, in the middle of the night. I got hit so bad, I had to take a shower. It is funny in retrospect. At the time, I was probably too tired to laugh out loud, but I can definitely tell you I marveled at his power and aim, even then. How does a person do that? How does a person somehow convert a serious thing into humor? How does a person see the funny side of the worst things? Well one answer is that if you don’t, it’s guaranteed you’ll be miserable. Because life is difficult. I don’t have to tell you that. So there really are only two choices: Buck it or laugh. I have learned that some people have an amazing capacity to do the latter. I have gone to homes of mourners who, instead of crying at the loss of a loved one, laugh as...
Show Buttons
Share On Facebook
Share On Twitter
Share On Google Plus
Share On Linkdin
Hide Buttons