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Subtle Emotional Abuse: Twisting the Truth
posted May 14, 2012 and categorized in emotional abuse 
There’s a subtle type of emotional abuse that it could take you years to uncover.
Supposing in your lifetime that literally 456 people have told you that you are pretty. Yes, the first two were your parents. But there were 454 others that were less biased in your favor. In fact, to help defray the costs of college while you went...
The Scream: A Therapist's Perspective
posted May 10, 2012 and categorized in emotions 
You’ve seen the art piece called, The Scream somewhere, I’m sure. Perhaps you saw Homer Simpson doing his imitation, or perhaps you read about or even saw the scream movies. The director, Wes Craven said the original scream artwork inspired the mask for the movies. He claimed that Edvard Munch’s The Scream is a favorite of his.
So,...
Getting Unspoiled
posted May 8, 2012 and categorized in marriage counseling 
At three years of age, Ron was a terror. He basically got what he wanted, not by crying for it, but by waging war. He could not be grabbed fast enough to discipline. He stuck his tongue out at his mother when she tried to teach him right from wrong. He sassed her by poking his rear end out of his pants and laughing before he ran away. At...
Why We Gossip and What We Need Instead
posted May 4, 2012 and categorized in meaning making
I can think of a bunch of magazines that would go out of business if we weren’t real curious about the lives of celebrities. Not to mention the TV and movie industries that thrive on it.
Why?
There is something good about it and something not so good. The good reason, I suspect, is that we all want templates, role models, for...
The Tyranny of Anxiety: How People Control Others with Anxiety and How to Stop
posted May 2, 2012 and categorized in anxiety
The snow was piling up and Maggie paced the floor. She was so anxious, she started to feel as though she were getting a heart attack. One time, she went to the E.R. thinking that she really was having some kind of cardiac episode but after a night full of tests, they told her she was “just” having a panic attack.
Just.
...Turn Arguments to Your Advantage
posted May 1, 2012 and categorized in marriage counseling 
Calista and Ben were bickering again.
“I think going to a beach for a week would just be so boring,” Ben said, concerning their vacation plans. “Not only would I be bored but you would be, too. You think you just need to lay out in the sun and do nothing, but I know you; you’d get bored so quick. And then what? We’d be stuck on an...
15 Reasons Not to Divorce
posted April 25, 2012 and categorized in divorce 
If your marriage is so very bad that you are on the brink of divorce, then that is precisely when you should not divorce. Here are 15 reasons why:
1. Whatever made you angry has no chance of being resolved in court. In court, the differences are exaggerated and the feeling of not having been treated fairly increases.
2...
Getting the Apology Part II
posted April 16, 2012 and categorized in apologizing
Check out my last post to understand this one. I gave a simple solution to dealing with a person who cannot tolerate the smell of blame and therefore will not accept any feedback that he or she hurt your feelings.
The problem, I could hear you saying, even before I finished clicking “save” is that it won’t work. No matter...
Marriage Counseling: Getting Your Partner to Take Responsibility
posted April 12, 2012 and categorized in marriage counseling
It’s amazing how many people can’t seem to apologize. Here are some reasons I’m speculating that this happens:
- They grew up in homes where people were blamed whenever things went wrong. Therefore, apologizing is not only an admission that they did something wrong—which they probably heard too much of in their lives already—but it’s...
Assertiveness: How to Get Treated Like an Equal
posted April 10, 2012 and categorized in assertiveness 
You may remember I was letting you peek into the lives of Cally and Tim. Tim was a busy, focused man and when he needed something from Cally, he would simply give her marching orders. His demeanor, though cold, was not rude, and Cally could not put her finger on why it bothered her. I explained why in my post How to Get Treated...
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